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The former Real Madrid, Juventus and Manchester United striker last week posted a cryptic message on social media hinting he was set to leave the club he joined in January 2023.

A stray orange cat; a séance in a hostel; a “nearsighted galoot” who decodes cryptic messages from Radio Pyongyang; flashlights that aren’t just flashlights — these bread crumbs guide us to the novel’s denouement.

Villagers were left baffled in 2023 when the replacement statue first appeared, hailing the cryptic creator who had "gone to so much trouble" to make the pony.

Unconcerned with smallness, the movie comes within scraping distance of Michelangelo Antonioni’s cryptic 1970 “Zabriskie Point” and maybe “Quest for Fire” too, except this is a quest for beats, even as bodies break down.

Then there’s a cryptic street encounter with a goat and things get even weirder.