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In the early 20th century, German chemists such as Walter Heitler and Fritz London showed the covalent bond could be understood using quantum mechanics.

Susan Heitler, a Denver-based clinical psychologist and author specializing in conflict, calls this “the three As: agree, add and appreciate.”

It’s normal to grieve missed experiences, Dr. Heitler said, and important to give yourself some time to mourn.

Once you’ve found mutual territory and contributed something that makes your opponent feel heard, Dr. Heitler said, go a step further: Thank them.

“Just saying ‘I appreciate you helping me think about that in a new way,’ changes the tone of the conversation,” Dr. Heitler said.