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"I was doing really well until 22 miles when I blew it. I lost my balance and it all went a bit pear-shaped," he says.

If anything goes wrong or pear-shaped I'll come and get you'.

The first is a generous, pear-shaped indentation to hold a lit cigarette or cigar.

“It doesn’t matter what I think. I’m not the alpha. I’m just a helper. I’ll do what I’m told and keep my mouth shut. Even when this whole thing goes pear-shaped.”

I'm handed an elegant pear-shaped bottle with an intricate leaf pattern reaching up around the neck.