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“We need champions. We also need defenders! We needed them all those years ago when, first, books started disappearing off the shelves and, then, the wrecking balls rumbled up Main Street. Oh, the horror. The horror!”

“This is what happened last time! First, books started disappearing. History books. One title in particular. All ten copies. Nobody cared. The whole town turned its back on its library. Very important people convinced the mayor to cut our funding. Before long, you couldn’t even find a bookmark or an empty jar of library paste. Then BOOM! Here come the bulldozers and the wrecking ball! So long, library; hello, parking lot. Oh, the horror. The horror.”

“It was terrifying. The horror, the horror,” one resident told British broadcaster Sky, recalling Friday’s attack on the train station.

“It was terrifying. The horror, the horror,” one resident told British broadcaster Sky, recalling Friday’s attack.

Black people peeing with white people, men with women, straight people with gays people, trans with cis — oh, the horror, the horror.